


Broken Promises

by Rennie75



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-25
Updated: 2014-02-28
Packaged: 2018-01-13 18:11:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1236160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rennie75/pseuds/Rennie75
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a standalone that explores Felicity's personal past in the current S2 timeframe (a little dark, angsty w/ mature themes). Completely focused on Felicity and in her POV - even my usual Team Arrow and Olicity spins are minor and in the background! This is just my own take to fill in the blanks that the show hasn't revealed yet. NOW COMPLETE!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> STANDARD LEGAL DISCLAIMER: CW's Arrow does not belong to me - I am playing w/o profit or permission! :)

Felicity took her seat at the lair's computers and pulled the financial records of the shadow corporations she had linked to Merlyn after the Undertaking. She had been systematically diverting small amounts of funds from these entities to Glades restoration projects over the last year. Felicity had covered her tracks well but continued to monitor the transfers in case anyone tracked or researched the funds. Speak of the devil, Felicity thought as she noticed an aberration in the report. Typing quickly Felicity was able to discover it was an automatic bank program and within minutes she had erased that inquiry. However, as she did that she also noted another hacker's tracks in the system as well. Felicity was soon enmeshed in deciphering those clues and finding out what was going on.  


An hour later, Felicity sat back and took a deep breath as she let the programs run. This was important so she had to succeed – she couldn't fail again. Even though no one knew of her personal promise to help Oliver rebuild the City she knew of it and she had to make good on it especially as she had only just realized she would have to break another promise made to Oliver. Felicity learned at a young age the importance of promises and especially the importance of broken promises.  


Felicity bit her lip as she remembered telling Oliver that her dad had left her but she hadn't told him the whole story. She hadn't shared how she was always her daddy's little girl and her early memories were full of him. Nor did she share how her dad had come into her room that one dark night and told her that he was leaving but that he loved her and promised to return and get her. Felicity had been too young to understand everything going on but she understood that her dad broke his promise. He didn't come back for her and she never saw him again after that night. Her mom had been the one to stay and love her … but she too broke her promises.  


As she wiped tears from her cheeks Felicity recalled two promises her mom broke. The first was in the emergency room after the doctor had set her broken arm. Her mom had cried and told her she wouldn't let him hurt them again. She had held Felicity as she filed charges with the police against her boyfriend. They had fled after that and stayed on the run for years trying to stay ahead of him but he had found them and had hurt Felicity again. Felicity knew the physical wounds healed and the scar on her arm was barely noticeable now, but she also knew that wasn't the only damage done. It had taken years before she and her mom settled back into a normal life and stayed in one town for more than a few months.  


Felicity could remember the smell of the spring flowers she was gathering when her mom joined her in the garden they had planted together. She told her they were safe and wouldn't move again and Felicity had been thrilled. The memory of those dark days faded but whenever Felicity was nervous she found she still crossed her arms and unconsciously traced the nearly hidden scar on her arm. Newer, happier memories replaced the old ones even if it was only her and her mom in those memories – no family, no friends – Felicity had enjoyed those bright days.  


The darkness returned though when her mom woke her in the dead of night and pulled her from her bed. Felicity remembered the fear and panic as her mom told her to dress and leave everything behind. She remembered trying to pack her favorite shirt and bear but her mom ripped them from her hands as she pulled her to the car. They returned to a life on the run and Felicity realized even then that it was always possible for her world to be destroyed again despite anyone's promises.  


Things had settled down again and her mom worked hard to keep them together, safe and happy but Felicity found there were more scars. She didn't trust easily and even after they planted new roots Felicity hadn't made any close friends. She kept to herself and her computers – that was a world of her own creation and under her control. She didn't need to trust anyone here as she could take care of herself. She could also take care of her mom and Felicity learned to erase their past and hide their tracks even if she couldn't erase the scars. Felicity had learned to ask for no promises nor did she make any.  


MIT fostered more independence in her and honed her technical skills. The virtual world also allowed her to have friends while still keeping herself separate and whole. Her college experience had also helped her create both a virtual identity and a real life avatar. She started intentionally dressing in bright colors, always polished her fingernails and even dyed her hair blond and started wearing glasses. This was the new persona she allowed the world to see while hiding her true self deep inside. Felicity was even able to maintain that persona when she accepted the position at Queen Consolidated. Her real life avatar allowed her to control what others saw in her and also kept her personal darkness at bay; however, it wasn't until Oliver and Diggle became her friends that Felicity found the disguise wasn't always necessary.  


She found two people she trusted…she found two friends she trusted not to leave even if she disagreed with them or did things her way and it was liberating. They didn't see the darkness only the light and Felicity found she saw it more too and felt more at home. They were a motley group (CEO billionaire by day and masked hero at night, well-trained soldier posing as the black driver, and a brilliant but quirky IT girl who was now EA to the CEO) but they became her family. Felicity delighted in the irony that she was the brightness in their world and she did her part to help them stay together and grow closer.  


Despite her initial reservations, Felicity really threw herself into the vigilante world and thrived on the challenge of it even as she enjoyed the new-found security of her place in that world. She learned not only about herself but also what it meant to be close to others again. They all had their walls but as their success and very survival depended on each other those walls had been breached. There were definitely moments where it was uncomfortably close … Felicity stifled a watery chuckle as she remembered the various yelling matches they had all indulged in at one time or another. Diggle was certainly the calmer one of the group and rarely raised his voice now but she and Oliver still argued loudly at times.  


It was during an argument that Felicity actually realized her feelings for Oliver had grown beyond family love and beyond a crush (who wouldn't admire him on the salmon ladder?). She had asked him to make a promise to her … and not just any promise but a promise to return. Logically Felicity knew it was an irrational request as she had actually accepted the dangers of their jobs but her emotions overwhelmed her in that moment. She then fell a little bit more in love with him when he refused to make the absurd promise, when he refused to break a promise to her.  


Then a few more walls crumbled when she told him about her past as she told him about his own mom. Oliver had quickly realized there was a problem and just as quickly sought to comfort and help her. If he hadn't been so quick Felicity may have been able to hold back until after he had to speak. Unfortunately, he caught her in that moment of weakness when that old fear of being abandoned was choking her and she just blabbed the truth nearly incoherently. It was heart-wrenching to feel his pain on top of her own but Felicity did – his mother broke her promises and it shattered Oliver and his pain broke Felicity's heart.  


Felicity made her third silent promise to Oliver that day – she would never lie to him. She didn't immediately realize the contradiction inherent in her promises as her emotions were running rampant at that moment. It was only later that she realized that she had, in fact, made three promises to Oliver and she would have to break one of them.  


Her first silent promise came when they failed to stop the second device. She promised to help him rebuild the City in any way she could to make-up for her failure. She remained on the Team and did her part but there was more to this personal promise. For her that promise meant hacking into Merlyn's records, uncovering the shadow corporations and tax shelters, and skimming money from them to help rebuild the Glades. She didn't tell Oliver or Diggle about this plan but simply enacted it on her own and protected them and the Arrow in case she was discovered. She had planned on telling them both the truth after that third promise to Oliver but realized now she could continue the program without their knowledge and could continue to protect them from her actions. Considering the other things she would now have to hide from him, this seemed almost inconsequential. Felicity couldn't help but laugh at her own thoughts and the fact that Oliver and Diggle would loudly disagree with her conclusions.  


Her second silent promise came the day she asked him to promise to return. When he did return and she was able to hug him close and feel his steady heartbeat as he hugged her back she promised never to leave him. That promise was given in mostly gratitude that he was whole, healthy, and back with them but it was also born of love. Her love for him was something she was still discovering herself and certainly not anything she had shared with him. That promise still brought issues though and there had been a few bumps in that particular road. Those bumps included more than a few harsh words between them when she took trips to visit Barry. However, she and Oliver had come back together and were stronger because of it. She knew her place was with Oliver and he knew it too.  


Now there was Sara – beautiful, blond, broken Sara. Sara who was the sister of his lost love Laurel and intimately connected to his past and the Island. Felicity knew of Sara's night with Oliver in the lair and yes, it broke her heart but her promises came first. She would help rebuild the City and she would never leave Oliver … but she would now have to lie to Oliver. She couldn't add to his burden herself by telling him the truth of her feelings nor could she act on those feelings. She would have to bury those emotions and she would have to break her promise to never lie to him in order to keep the other two promises.  


Felicity was crying openly now but as she was the only one in the lair she indulged in the freedom of the tears as she let go of the pain of lost love and broken promises. She loved Oliver and was in love with him but Felicity accepted that pain as the price of making promises again. Promises and especially broken promises always hurt and the price this time was again her heart.  


As she continued to cry more softly now Felicity knew it was a good time to revisit her past as the memories were already running through her mind. After several minutes of work she accessed and decrypted the secret files and brought them up on the screen. Felicity then sat back and reviewed the details she had hidden from the world, hidden from her Team, hidden from Oliver …  


Suzanne Kent was the name on her actual birth certificate but she had few memories of that person.  


Callie Webster was her mom's second choice when they first fled but those memories were few as well.  


Danielle Carter was next and was the first name Felicity still identified as her own. Danielle lived in the bright spot between the dark times but Felicity tried not to focus on those good memories too often. Sometimes good memories hurt as much as bad ones.  


Emily Rickards was next and was her mom's final effort at creating a safe world for them. She remained Emily during high school and she and her mom even stayed in the same town during that time. Her world was stable then, quiet and lonely but stable. She could have continued to be Emily and live in that world but she wanted and needed more and that was when she decided on MIT.  


However, before she could pursue that dream she had felt the need to create her own identity. After serious consideration and research she chose Felicity. Her mom suggested Felicity as it meant great happiness and good fortune (yes, she lied when she let Oliver think she didn't know what her name meant). Her mom still wanted a good life for her and always reminded her to look for the good and seek the light. Felicity was hesitant at first but later embraced the irony of it and agreed. She wouldn't promise her mom that she would live up to the name though and she remembered well her mom's sad smile as she accepted that choice.  


Smoak was definitely her own choice though and it had great personal meaning to her. Happiness could disappear as easily as smoke – that was a lesson she'd already learned. However, she had fought back from that loss and built a new world for herself. The battle had taught her another important lesson - she could disappear just as easily as smoke herself. She had already reinvented herself once and knew she could do it again.  


Now escape wasn't an option as Felicity found herself trapped by her own promises. She had an obligation to make the City better and she owed much to the Team but perhaps after these battles were fought she could be released from her promises and again disappear?  


The beep of her computer interrupted Felicity's musings and quickly brought her focus back to the present as she noticed tracks in her profiles. Oh man, could someone have found out?  


Even as Felicity started to work through the implications of someone researching her, a message was displayed on her computer.  


I KNOW WHO YOU ARE … DO YOUR FRIENDS KNOW? DOES OLIVER QUEEN KNOW?  


Felicity simply stared for a moment, dumbfounded and frozen. As the message started to disappear she started typing furiously to track it. Her tears dry now Felicity was on a mission and she was fearless as she sought information. She continued her search and it led her to a private site hidden within a corporation's public website. The corporation was named Shado.  


The name gave her a moment's pause but then she continued ahead determined to find out what was going on. She was surprised when the screen went black before displaying a montage of Team Arrow pictures. It took Felicity a moment to realize they had been taken over several months and included all Team members but the focus seemed to be on her and Oliver. There were pictures of them at QC, at public events, and even some showing her with the Arrow. Oliver's face was hidden but the implication was clear. The final picture wasn't a snapshot but instead a drawing of a beautiful Asian woman wearing a green hood. Felicity gasped out loud as she realized she was looking at Oliver's Shado.  


The screen again went black before another message appeared.  


IT APPEARS WE HAVE MUTUAL FRIENDS MS. SMOAK. PERHAPS WE SHOULD MEET …  


There was nothing after that but Felicity knew her visit had been tracked regardless of the care she had taken. Whoever the person was would know she had received the message and would probably contact her for a response. Oh man, what I am going to do??!  


Felicity felt panic seize her and fear clawed at her and for a moment she was again that little girl trapped in the darkness. Sobbing quietly even as she fought for air Felicity buried her face in her hands and fought for control. After a few moments she was able to think more clearly and knew she had to prioritize. First she needed to protect her mom and the Team … and then she would seek out this mystery threat.  


Felicity started working furiously to lock her mom's records, safeguard her identity, and set additional traps for anyone seeking those records. She then went to work on the lair's physical security as well as the Team's sources, contacts, and programs. Clearly security and secrecy had always been a priority but now Felicity's efforts reached paranoid levels as she backed up everything in triplicate, added new layers of security even as she changed all the codes and procedures. She also searched for any security breaches but couldn't find anything that warranted follow-up.  


Finally breathing more calmly Felicity sat back to review the facts and options and look for weaknesses in her strategy. Being surrounded by trained warriors had taught her a little bit about warfare strategy although as it was so remarkably similar to hacking Felicity took to it easily. You had to expect to take some hits so it was smart to choose where you were weak and set traps – the flip side was that you had to look for traps set by your opponent as well. As Felicity had just entered this particular game she had to give the first round to her mystery contestant but she was determined to win in the end.  


Felicity was so wrapped up in her efforts that she didn't even hear the lair door open nor the soft footsteps of the three people approaching.  


"Who's Suzanne Kent?" Oliver's question startled Felicity and she jumped up from her chair even as she turned to see him, Diggle and Sara.  


"Felicity, is everything ok?" Diggle asked that question as she simply stared at them.  


"Oh yeah, just researching …" Felicity turned back to her computers to hide all the information. "Working on our security, just doing my job really …"  


Felicity stopped speaking and tried to steady her breathing as she finished hiding all the information. She knew she needed to face the group but as she also knew there was probably still evidence of her recent tears on her face so she was putting that off as long as possible.  


"Felicity." It seemed like it was always Oliver growling her name … no one else ever put so much into it and even if he didn't even know the true value of her name his emphasis on it always melted her heart a bit.  


"Everything's fine." Felicity quickly spit that out before she turned to face him, face them. She needed a distraction and latched onto the first thought in her head. "Did you guys all get here at the same time? That's a weird coincidence …" Felicity saw the quick look Oliver and Sara exchanged and cursed her own thoughts even as she plowed ahead. "Of course, you were together last night …well, at least Team Arrow carpools and saves the environment, right? That's a good thing and would be a great marketing tool, you know, if we ever need to market the Team."  


Felicity had met each of their eyes during that ramble before she returned her attention to gathering her stuff as quickly as possible. She was just about to launch into another ramble about needing to leave and run errands before work but Oliver again spoke.  


"Felicity. Are you okay?" Oliver interrupted her attempt as he latched on to her elbow and stepped in close. She used to love that he invaded her personal space to stand so close to her but now with Sara here it made her feel awkward and unsure.  


"Yes, I'm fine. Did you guys come in to train before work or do you need something? I really need to run a few errands before going to the office but I can put that off if you need something right now." Felicity knew her voice wasn't as strong as she wanted but she did square her shoulders and forced herself to meet Oliver's eyes. At his look of concern she cleared her throat and swallowed with difficulty as she waited. It was Sara who spoke though.  


"We did come in just to train."  


Sara smiled as she said this and Felicity knew she was trying to support her but she couldn't help but feel left out. The Team was changing and Felicity was no longer sure of her place. However, she still returned the smile and nodded to both Oliver and Diggle before turning back again to grab her stuff and leave. Oliver had let go of her arm which made the task easier but Felicity didn't realize he hadn't stepped away. She had heard their movements behind her and then she heard the familiar sounds of training across the room so she took a moment to breathe deeply before she turned and bumped straight into Oliver.  


"Oliver! I'm sorry, I thought you were already gone, not that I wanted you gone but I just thought you were with Sara, I mean I know you are with Sara but I'm meant now, physically with her, over there. Okay, stopping now in three, two, one …"  


Felicity stepped back away from Oliver as her rambling was always worse when he was close. Even though he rarely teased her about it she would still prefer to find a better filter around him. Living in a virtual world for most of her life hadn't really prepared her for sharing her life with the infamous Oliver Queen and certainly not his alter ego the Arrow. Felicity shook her head at her own wayward thoughts and brought her focus back to Oliver who stood immobile patiently waiting for her. She couldn't help smiling at him before she spoke again.  


"Was there something else you wanted?"  


"Felicity, it's just you and me – talk to me."  


Even though she melted at his repeated use of her name, Felicity also gritted her teeth against the urge to lean into him and ask for his help. This was her life, her choices, and her promises though, and she needed to be the one to handle it.  


"There's nothing to talk about … I was just feeling a little nostalgic and was reviewing some things from my past but it's nothing. I'm fine." Felicity again smiled to lend truth to the lies.  


"So Suzanne Kent is someone you knew? Someone from your past?" Oliver questioned as his brows furrowed in an attempt to understand.  


"No, yes – it's complicated. It's in the past and it's best to leave the past in the past, right?" Felicity again smiled as she pushed her glasses up and crossed her arms. "I really do have errands to run and I believe you have a girlfriend and a best friend ready to beat you senseless so let's both get our jobs done, huh?" She smiled yet again as she pushed quickly by him and then tossed out as casually as she could, "See you at the office."  


Felicity took off at a run as soon as she cleared the lair door. She needed to solve this mystery quickly before her past came back to hurt not just her and her mom but the Team and Oliver as well.


	2. Ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter continues Felicity's POV and remains dark and angsty...

Felicity again sat alone in the lair several days later. She knew she needed to sleep but there was too much to do and her mind was scrambling to keep up – so many possibilities, so many issues, so many promises, so many dangers. She had continued to work both her jobs but her mind and her focus remained on the new hidden danger. She had obsessively searched for answers but continued to run into bricks walls at every turn. 

It was beyond frustrating to Felicity as this world – information, hacking, computer technology – was her domain, her home. This was her strength and where she felt most comfortable and confident. As Team Arrow continued to change this was the one place Felicity could make a contribution. She knew she didn’t have the ninja skills, strength or weapons training to fight as the others so Felicity already felt unsure, isolated and alone. If she couldn’t even protect her own secrets and ferret out this danger then how could she deserve a place protecting Oliver and his secrets?

But it wasn’t just the Team changing though…Felicity was still fighting her own less than platonic feelings for Oliver while having to see him with someone else. That battle was also wearing on her and making her doubt herself personally. Over the last year or more really, her life had become inexorably intertwined with Oliver Queen as they were dependent on each other in every area of their lives. She had felt closer to him than anyone ever and those bonds had led her to dream of a future together. Sharing a future with someone wasn’t anything Felicity had ever believed would be possible given her past but Oliver had made her believe.

Felicity gave herself a hard mental shake to dispel those wishful thoughts before her heartbreak crippled her efforts to work. She had long ago accepted that it didn’t matter what might have been as dreams and promises would always fall victim to the harsh reality of life. And the reality was Oliver and Sara were together and Felicity was alone. Felicity realized she had gotten used to fighting battles with Oliver (and John) at her side but she now needed to remember how to fight on her own. She had to figure this mystery out and face her past and she had to do it by herself.

Forcing herself to focus, Felicity continued to push through secure sites as she pursued her leads. Felicity had managed to gather a few clues but knew she was no closer to identifying the mystery contact now than when she had first started. Luckily she had been successful at thwarting several attempts to breach her own security. She couldn't positively link the hacker to the mystery but it seemed too big of a coincidence to ignore. 

Felicity dropped her head to her hands and rubbed her temples – living on caffeine wasn't going to help her keep a clear head, maybe just a few moments of sleep would help.

A sharp metal clang pulled Felicity from a nightmare and she raised up quickly and choked off a scream as she saw Oliver on the salmon ladder.

"So Sleeping Beauty awakens finally? I thought that might be the case." Oliver advanced another level before he continued. "Breakfast is on your desk … yes, I brought you coffee."

Felicity continued to stare for a moment before glancing around nervously.

"No one is here Felicity – it's just us." Oliver gave that information as he dropped to the ground. "I think we need to talk."

Felicity scrambled up off the couch as she tried to focus on what was happening. The last thing she remembered was closing her eyes at her desk…Oh man!

Felicity ran to her computers to see all in sleep mode before she turned back to look questioningly at Oliver. She needed to know what he saw on the computers but was afraid to ask.

"I didn't touch your computers." Oliver slid by her to grab a strawberry from the fruit platter that he’d brought as part of her breakfast but then turned back to her and continued to speak. "You know you can talk to me, right? Roy and Sara being on the Team doesn't change anything—"

Felicity couldn't stop the harsh laugh but immediately clapped a hand over her mouth to smother it.

Oliver just quirked a brow before he repeated with his statement with more force. "Roy and Sara being on the Team does not change anything between us Felicity."

When he paused and continued to look at her Felicity realized she needed to respond so she nodded her acceptance … What's one more lie?

"We are still a Team and you will always have me, Felicity. Something is wrong but I can't help you if you don't tell me what it is."

At her computer's beep, Felicity jumped slightly and moved instinctively toward it before she hesitated. She wasn't sure what the alert meant and wasn't sure she should check in front of Oliver. She dropped her head slightly and glanced over her shoulder at him.

"I know no one can be forced to talk but I also know what it means to know you have friends around when you are ready. I'm here Felicity." With those final words, Oliver moved away and gave Felicity the privacy she needed to check her computer.

TIRED OF CHASING GHOSTS? I'M READY TO MEET IF YOU ARE.

Felicity knew she wasn't as well prepared as she wanted to be but she also knew Oliver would push again so she had run out of time. She quickly typed up a response agreeing to meet.

DETAILS WILL BE SENT TO YOUR PHONE. I LOOK FORWARD TO MEETING YOU IN PERSON MS. SMOAK.

Felicity couldn't stop the shiver of dread even as she dared to hope this meeting would be the end of the game. She had protected her mom and the Team as best she could though and also left instructions for her mom to forward to Oliver if…well, if she didn't check-in regularly. She didn't have enough to actually help the Team identify the mystery man but Felicity knew it was someone from the Island so she hoped Oliver would be able to put the clues together differently than she had. Felicity still hoped it wouldn't come to that as Oliver had enough to worry about … Felicity glanced back to watch him workout as she thought about all the burdens he already carried.

It seemed his family and the Lances remained in shambles as everyone fought and struggled to piece their lives back together. Oliver maintained the public façade supporting Moira but Felicity knew Thea was caught in the middle and demanding answers. Oliver still believed Thea didn't need to learn the truth, but lying to her was hurting him. As for the Lances, Laurel was still caught in a downward spiral that only worsened when she found out Sara and Oliver were together. Much like Thea, Detective Lance was caught in the crossfires of his own family battle as the sisters continued to fight. Unlike Thea though, Detective Lance blamed Oliver and took shots at him whenever possible.

Felicity knew both battles were wearing on Oliver but he hadn't actually confided much in her lately. Not that Oliver ever confided much, but she now assumed he was leaning on Sara for support. Sara was fighting her own demons as she struggled to find her place with her family and on the Team though and she looked on edge herself more times than not. Felicity remembered how Oliver was when he first returned and it seemed Sara was struggling even more than he had. She wasn't sure how either would be able to help the other but she had to give them points for trying even if it still broke her heart to know they were together.

Felicity stifled a quick chuckle at the realization that even Roy who still battled to control the Mirakuru in his system was one of the Team's steadiest members at this moment. Gotta hope we can protect the City better than we can protect ourselves, she couldn't help thinking.

As she shook off those thoughts, Felicity's phone buzzed. She quickly scanned the text and gasped as the meet had been scheduled in the QC parking garage and she had only thirty minutes to get there. She quickly gathered her stuff and turned back to see Oliver had stopped training and stood nearby watching her. She bit her bottom lip as she considered her options but knew she really had none if she was to have any hope of keeping any of her promises to him.

"I've gotta go … but I'll be in touch, okay?" Even if this meeting turned out badly Felicity knew Oliver would hear from her again if only through her mom. It took a moment longer but Oliver gave a single affirmative nod. Felicity stared at him for a few more moments before she gave in to the urge and ran forward to hug him. Oliver's arms closed tightly around her and she felt safe, protected, and even loved. She closed her eyes to savor those feelings before she pulled reluctantly away.

"Thank you, Oliver." She wanted to tell him what he meant to her but knew she shouldn't, couldn't do that so she stepped back even as she reached for his hand to squeeze it gently.

"Always, Felicity." Oliver squeezed her hand in return until Felicity pulled away. Without daring to take another look back she ran from the lair.

Felicity didn't try to stop the tears from falling until she had almost reached her destination. She knew it was time to get serious so she had to put away her feelings for Oliver, put away her fears of the past, and focus on this mission. She pulled into a parking space and dried her face with a tissue before she noticed the limo that had pulled up behind her.

As she got out of her car the back door of the limo opened and a well-dressed man got out. Felicity gasped as she noted his eye patch when he smiled and spoke to her. 

"Ms. Smoak, such a pleasure to meet you in person. I trust this transportation meets your approval." He held the car door open and Felicity glanced nervously around before she stepped toward him. She stopped moving though as he turned toward her and held out his hand for hers. Felicity reluctantly placed her hand in his and tried not to flinch as he raised her hand to his lips.

"Truly a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Smoak."

Felicity's smile was little more than a grimace as he continued to hold her hand but she did nod her head in acknowledgement. She was surprised when the man pulled her and spun her around so her back rested against his chest. His grip on her hand tightened even as his other arm wrapped around her to grip her face. He turned both of their faces toward the security camera as he spoke.

"Smile, Ms. Smoak. I am sure our good friend Oliver Queen will be pleased to see you and I are well acquainted."

Felicity tried to smile but then actually tried to jerk away when the man nuzzled her neck and placed a kiss there. He simply tightened his grip painfully and spoke over her gasp of pain and fear.

"I am sure Oliver told you about me … the name is Slade Wilson."

With that he laughed and gently pushed a shocked Felicity easily into the car. Felicity scrambled to the far side as quickly as she could as she processed that information. Slade Wilson … dead Slade Wilson who had gone crazy after being injected with Mirakuru … Slade Wilson, Slade Wilson, Slade Wilson …

"Ah, I see Oliver has been sharing Island stories … bedtime stories, perhaps? Oh wait, he's back with the other Lance girl again, isn't he?" Slade's tone was smug and taunting.

Felicity could think of nothing to say that would help and, for once, no rambling thoughts came to mind either as she stared at the man who had once been Oliver's friend … Before Oliver killed him?!

"I thought you were dead!" Felicity blurted it out like an accusation.

Slade just laughed at her as he poured them both drinks. Felicity shook her head no when he offered it but he just smiled and placed it down beside her.

"You don't want to toast my resurrection from the dead?" Slade didn't bother waiting for her reply but simply sipped his drink and brought out his phone. He tapped a few keys before he set the phone down and turned back to her.

"We really do need to get acquainted, Felicity … do you mind if I call you Felicity or would you prefer Suzanne?"

"Felicity is fine." Felicity tried to shake off the fear and find the strength to continue this game. Even as she realized she had lost this round too Felicity brought her focus back to the mission as she knew her mom and the Team were still counting on her. She took a moment to glance around the limo but nothing unusual stood out so she again focused on Slade Wilson. Felicity noticed his voice was gravelly but it wasn't similar to Oliver's own deep voice. It was more like that of a snake oil salesman – greasy and so smooth it grated on her nerves and put her on edge. He was well-dressed and after spending so much time with Oliver Felicity could recognize quality and cost so she knew he had money.

"Then Felicity it is my dear. I have to confess I am a little disappointed by our game. I was so looking forward to forcing Oliver to choose between you and Sara but he's already done that, hasn't he? Of course, he had already chosen on the Island too and that cost Shado her life."

Felicity jumped slightly as he slammed his drink down and cursed. There was a moment of silence before he then continued in the same slick voice.

"Plans do have a way of changing and I'm nothing if not adaptable. This new game won't be quite as satisfying but it will be fun way to let Oliver know I'm back."

Felicity grimaced as he laughed and took another drink before he continued yet again.

"If only he had loved you my dear this would have gone very differently but I can work with this!"

Again Felicity was chilled by his laughter but this time she had to turn away in an attempt to block out her rising terror. As she was turned away she didn't realize Slade had reached for her until he locked a hand around her wrist and pulled. Felicity fought instinctively even though she knew she didn't stand a chance against him as not even Oliver had been able to kill him. Once Slade's laughter penetrated her fear though she did stop fighting and remained still as he bound her hands and blindfolded her. Felicity only flinched once when Slade slid a hand through her hair to release her ponytail.

The remainder of the ride was silent until Felicity felt the sharp prick of a needle and cried out in surprise and pain. Again it was Slade's laughter that helped her regain control and silence her cry. She again clamped her mouth shut and reined in her fear so she barely flinched as Slade pulled her roughly from the car and pushed her forward. Felicity knew they had entered a building but she was too scared to focus on anything except staying upright. Slade cursed her clumsy steps but still didn't remove the blindfold.  


Felicity stumbled once again as Slade pushed her even harder. He was still close behind her though and spun her around quickly to release the rope binding her hands. She quickly removed the blindfold herself as the memory of his caressing her hair when he'd put it on her still disgusted her. Felicity met Slade's eyes briefly before she tried to look around the dark room.

"Make yourself at home my dear. You're going to be here for a while."


	3. Two of a Kind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I still must warn you now the darkness and angst continue for poor Felicity in this chapter too but I also think there’s light at the end of the tunnel too!

"Make yourself at home my dear. You're going to be here for a while."

With that Slade slammed the door as he left and she heard the lock slide into place. The only light came from the small window in the door so Felicity was forced to feel her way around the small room. Cold metal met her fingers at each turn and Felicity could find no comfort or assistance anywhere. She did make two laps around just in case she had missed something but eventually she forced herself to sit down and try to think. She wasn't sure what was in the shot Slade had given her but she knew she had to fight to stay focused and alert in the midst of so many unknowns.

Felicity closed her eyes and tried to picture herself at the lair – computers glowing in front of her, Oliver and Diggle seated nearby talking as they ate take-out from Big Belly Burger. Normally that would have calmed her as it was her very own 'happy place' but it wasn't enough right now. Felicity searched her mind for a happy memory and latched onto the image of a shirtless Oliver climbing up the salmon ladder but still the fear crept in steadily and started to choke her. Felicity tried to take deep breaths but her heart started pounding even as her breaths grew shallow. She wasn’t sure if it was just her own fear or if the drug was helping but she felt overwhelming panic even as her thoughts grew hazy and confused. 

Her mental images of the lair faded and she found herself remembering a small dark closet filled with the scent of clean laundry. She remembered rubbing her face against a soft blanket … and then came the light and pain. She could still see her mom cowering behind her boyfriend as he grabbed her shoulders and shook her. Felicity whimpered slightly as she curled her body in and laid down on the metal floor. She could still hear and feel the snap as her arm gave way under his hard twisting grip. Her mom's face swayed in her mind's eye, crying, screaming, laughing … it was a ghostly montage that locked Felicity in fear and confusion.

Suddenly her mom was gone and it was the Count before her … taunting her with her failure and capture. Reminding her that she was the clue that allowed him to connect Oliver and the Arrow and bragging that she would be the Arrow’s ultimate downfall. Felicity watched helplessly as this time it was Oliver who went through the window and fell to his death.

Felicity felt the tears streaming down her face as the Count's laughter shifted and again Felicity saw her mom's boyfriend trying to pick her up from school. Felicity remembered the principal had stopped him but not before he had slapped Felicity to the ground. Unfortunately the nightmare again twisted her memory. She could taste the taste of blood in her mouth from his attack and even as she laid on the ground she watched him pull her mom away from her leaving her alone.

Whimpering softly Felicity was violently shaking her head no as the scene changed yet again. It was Moira Queen who stood before her now … Felicity could hear her words again as she warned Felicity that Oliver would grow to hate her, that he would leave her. She could hear Moira's laughter as Oliver did turn his back, walked away and left Felicity standing alone.

Crying and gasping softly Felicity was pulled from the nightmare by the sound of a loud scream. Grateful to be free of the nightmare but afraid she was no longer alone Felicity jumped up and looked frantically about the room. Finding nothing, Felicity went and looked out the small window. There was nothing there either but she still slid back into the darkness to hide as she wondered if she had actually heard a scream (and if it was her own) or if she was even now still dreaming. She remained still but couldn't detect any other sounds so she edged forward to peer out the window again. There was still nothing but Felicity maintained her vigil for several more tense minutes.

Felicity still couldn’t determine if the scream was something real or actually part of her nightmares so she tried desperately to find a firm grasp on reality. As she realized her arms were crossed in front of her Felicity intentionally found and traced the nearly undetectable scar on her arm. Felicity drew strength from the fact that she had survived that and she could survive this too. She then took a deep breath and allowed her arms to drop down by her side even as she curled her fingers in to dig into her palms. Felicity celebrated the slight pain that brought as it made her feel this world was real and not in her own mind.

Blowing out her breath slowly, Felicity knew she had to focus on something real and not get lost or confused by her own mind. She again traced her way around the walls of the small room – more to have something to do than because she hoped to discover anything new. Still finding nothing, she dropped down to her knees to trace her way back and forth across the floor. Felicity instinctively reached into her pocket for her cell phone before she remembered Slade had taken everything from her before dragging her into the room.

"Back to square one."

Felicity was actually startled by her own raspy voice breaking the eerie silence and decided to keep her thoughts silent for now. She wouldn't give Slade the satisfaction of screaming for help nor would she even voice her concerns out loud either. Ignoring the whole crying nightmare thing, she should be fine staying quiet going forward. Felicity started pacing to stay awake and alert.

She reminded herself ruthlessly of the promises she'd made even as she worried that Oliver would find out the truth of her broken promise as well. Felicity was still pacing when the door opened and Slade sauntered inside again holding a drink in one hand.

“Well, I must say you don’t look like you are enjoying my hospitality. Bad dreams little girl?”

As Slade laughed Felicity realized the drug was in fact responsible for her excessive fear and nightmares. Oddly enough, this reassured Felicity and helped her breathe easier. It was much simpler to blame the drug’s effects than to fear for her sanity. Felicity even found the strength to smile at Slade and shrug negligently. At his frustrated snarl, she felt like doing a fist pump at her first victory. Unfortunately for her that small victory was short lived as he simply switched tactics and attacked again.

"I delivered a message to your Oliver and I believe I may have accidentally included a little information about your past. How do you think he’ll take it when he sees how warmly you greeted me and how easily you climbed into the limo?"

Felicity cringed when she thought of exactly what it would look like to Oliver – she had lied about her past, hid information from him and then ran off to meet his old enemy. However, garnering her newfound strength Felicity refused to give any additional reaction to Slade so she forced herself to meet his eyes and smiled once again.

"What a brave little girl you are … maybe Oliver doesn't deserve you after all …" Slade's voice trailed off softly.

Felicity didn't even see him move but she did feel the slap of his hand against her face before she crumbled to the floor. Over the roar of blood in her ears she heard Slade continue his taunting.

"Foolishly brave but stupid and weak … just like Oliver. You two definitely deserve one another."

Felicity responded without thought to defend Oliver. "Oliver isn't weak or stupid – he's a hero!"

Slade growled as he buried a hand in her hair and twisted it painfully as he forced Felicity to look at him even as she remained kneeling on the floor.

"Oliver Queen is nothing! Everything he knows he learned from her and from me. He's no hero – Shado loved him and he killed her. He killed Shado!"

"He didn't kill her-"

Felicity wasn't sure what compelled her to continue arguing with the mad man but it didn’t matter as he didn't let her finish the thought. Again his hand connected with her jaw and this time her head snapped back hitting the wall as he had let go of her hair. Felicity saw stars dance before her eyes as she again crumpled against the floor and when she awoke next Slade had left the room and she was alone.

Moaning softly Felicity moved her head slightly and eased a hand back to find the bloody lump. She closed her eyes at the pain of even that gentle touch but still forced herself to feel around anyway. Her time on the Team had added greatly to her medical knowledge and somehow it was actually easier that it was her and not Oliver or Diggle who were injured. As she realized the blood flow had slowed to a near stop she also realized that meant she had been out for quite a while.

Forcing herself to a seated position Felicity again glanced around the room and listened intently but couldn't find anything different about her darkened cell. She then returned to evaluating her injuries and realized she had a cut above her eye, another along her cheek, and one on her upper lip. While there was some swelling nothing seemed to still be bleeding though so Felicity took that as a good sign. She took a deep breath and pushed herself to a standing position but quickly leaned back into the wall to keep her balance. It took several minutes before the room stopped spinning and Felicity was able to walk slowly and in a straight line.

Felicity took several more minutes to simply breathe and walk in hopes of clearing her fuzzy head. Between the drugs and the head injury she knew she was in trouble but she also knew she needed her mind clear if she was to have any chance to defeat Slade. Brute strength and combat skills were not her forte but Felicity knew she was smart and that is what she had to count on to win. It's what got her on Team Arrow and it's what would get her back to them too … assuming they would take her back...

Here in the darkness Felicity had to face the fact that Oliver and John had reason to doubt her – not just because of her past but because of her recent choices. Felicity could admit now that she had chosen badly when she decided to fight this battle alone.  


It appeared her past had definitely scarred her just as Oliver’s had. She had always pushed him to share, judged him for his mistakes, and demanded he be better than his past but she hadn’t done that herself. She had simply disguised herself and hid her pain and her fears without really facing them. She had survived her past but that was all…her life was safe, stable, quiet and lonely. Then Oliver Queen burst into her small office and changed everything. He brought awareness of not just more darkness in the world but how to fight it. He had pushed Felicity, challenged her beliefs and forced his way into every part of her life. Felicity realized she had grown and was more than just surviving now – she was thriving in her new life on Team Arrow! She had become stronger, better, and was part of something special that was making the City better. 

Felicity also realized that she wasn’t alone, not even now, not really anyway, as she knew Oliver and John would do everything possible to save her. Neither of them had expressed doubts about her place on the Team nor had they turned away from her. She had projected her own fears and doubts onto them instead of working through them or even speaking to the guys. She was the one who had walked away from Oliver and John to handle this by herself. She would only be alone if she chose to be…and Felicity knew and accepted that she didn’t want to be alone anymore. Regardless of recent developments, regardless of whoever joined the Team, Oliver and John were her family and that meant something. Felicity even managed a soft chuckle as she realized that even though they would certainly be angry over her recent choices she would yell as much as necessary to make them get over that and take her back.

In that moment, Felicity made yet another promise but this was a promise to herself – she would work through her past so her future could be better and she would ask for help from her new family to do it too. 

The minutes and hours stretched on and Felicity soon found herself back on the metal floor as she knew she needed to rest. She had replayed the recent events in her mind over and over and she was still confident she had done everything she could to protect and help the others. Felicity didn’t want them to pay for her past mistakes nor for her choice to do this on her own. She wasn't sure how much time had passed since she had met with Slade but she knew her mom would deliver the packet of information to Oliver the next morning if Felicity didn't call her. She had asked for another promise from Oliver in her letter to him … she asked that he get her mom some place safe as she knew her mom would be fine in Oliver's care. Even when she doubted herself, Felicity still believed in Oliver and the Team and knew they could defeat Slade.

Felicity fell asleep hoping the others would be safe and wanting to dream of a future with them but her nightmares reflected her past fears and her new ones. She woke up gasping for air and trembling with fear once again. It took Felicity a moment longer to remember where she was and to try to control her fears as she heard the door being unlocked and opened. It was again Slade who entered her room and he appeared calm and relaxed this time.

"Well, you look a little worse for the wear but hopefully Oliver will still take the bait and at least try to rescue you. It's time to start the next round of our game."

As he reached for her Felicity scrambled quickly to her feet and only swayed slightly before he grabbed her and pulled her forward. Despite the light being soft it still hurt Felicity's eyes after her time in the darkened room and she squinted and stumbled again much to Slade's annoyance. He again cursed her clumsiness even as he continued to drag her forward until they reached a room with a chair and computer console. Slade pushed her down into the seat as he gave his order.

"Now, you will breach your own security walls so we can have a little chat with lover boy."

Felicity had turned to him when he spoke but he brought the muzzle of a gun to her jaw to force her gaze forward as he continued.

"You will not speak. Do you understand that Ms. Smoak? If you do I will end the game now and put a bullet in your brain and then send your body back to Oliver." He pressed the gun against her temple before he asked for her agreement. "Do we have an understanding Felicity?"

"Yes!" Felicity spat out the word quickly even as she jerked her head away from the gun.

"Excellent! Now be a good girl and set up the video chat. I believe young Oliver is expecting us."

Felicity's fingers trembled but she noted the information on the pad beside the keyboard and accessed the site. She then used her own security codes to connect to the Lair. Felicity couldn't stop the gasp as the image of Oliver filled the screen and he appeared to be staring right at her. With a second click she split the screen so she could see what Oliver saw – currently only her face with the gun pressed to her temple was visible. She kicked back to push further from the camera and then heard Slade laugh as he pulled her back himself so they were both visible to Oliver now.

Felicity took a moment to actually look at Oliver and was surprised to note he was sporting his own collection of cuts and bruises. She had no idea what to make of that but even ignoring those he looked tired, hurt, and angry, really angry.

"Fighting with your own team kid? Why am I not surprised to hear that? Do you even have anyone left? Roy Harper? Your bodyguard Diggle? Ah, what about one of the Lance sisters then? Is it Sara or Laurel this week?"

There was a moment of silence before Oliver spoke in an eerily calm voice.

"This is between us, Slade, no one else. Just let Felicity go and tell me where to meet you. We can end this once and for all."

"You've done nothing to merit such an easy end old friend. We'll do this my way!" Slade pushed the gun against Felicity's temple even he tightened his other hand around her throat. He paused but Oliver did not speak again so he continued.

"I really hoped to play this differently. I’ve watched you, you know, I’ve watched you for a while now without you even knowing it. I saw how you protected your precious Felicity, how you thought she represented all the light in the world. I saw how much you loved her even though you believed she was too good for you. I wanted nothing more than to take the one you loved before you even had her.” Slade paused here to tilt Felicity’s neck and again nuzzle her before placing a kiss there. 

Felicity closed her eyes and tried to remain still – there was no reason for Oliver to know how much this hurt and scared her.

“But then I discovered the truth about Ms. Smoak and knew she wasn't the perfect little innocent you believed. Your bright light of goodness is nothing more than a broken little girl with her own tawdry past. I must admit that you two are definitely two of a kind – weak, useless liars."

With that insult Slade used his grip around Felicity's throat to pull her from the chair and threw her onto the floor. Felicity quickly cut short her instinctive scream and then moved away from him and out of the camera range so Oliver could focus only on Slade. She watched Slade snarl at her a final time before he turned back to the computer and then she redirected her focus on Oliver as well.

"She's certainly no Shado, is she?" Slade laughed without even sparing a glance at Felicity but she was glad to not have his attention as she continued to focus on Oliver and the lair. She couldn't see any differences in the lair other than the envelope laying obviously in the background. Felicity breathed a sigh of relief as she realized her mom had gotten the information to Oliver. As she turned her attention back to drink in every possible detail about Oliver Felicity just hoped the information would be enough to help him and keep him and everyone she loved safe.

"If you want her back you can have her kid – I have no use for such a pitiful creature. I'll send the instructions your way but understand now you are the only one who can play this game … so you can either play the dutiful son and cast your vote for your mom in today's election or you can rescue poor little Felicity. You have one hour or she dies."

Slade used the gun to click off the connection and then turned to Felicity.

"Let's get you in your place Felicity. Electronic signals are no longer blocked so your hero will be able to find you easily enough. Whether or not he'll play the game or win remains to be seen. Don't worry though, you will be able to see it all happen."

Felicity stumbled along behind Slade as he dragged her to what looked to be a part of an airplane. Felicity gasped and looked around fully as she realized Slade had recreated Oliver's own personal Island hell here. She then met Slade's eye and saw the crazy gleam of satisfaction at his success.

"I've told you he's nothing without Shado and me so I doubt he'll be able to rescue you. I won't be around by then but I assure you all of Starling City will see the building explode around you if he fails."

Slade pushed her into the floor and quickly bound her hands and feet to the plane before he gagged her. He then pointed to a large monitor and turned it on. Several pictures were displayed and Felicity could even see outside the building and hear the noises of traffic.

"See, you'll be able to track lover boy easily enough and see when he fails or simply decides you aren't worth it."

Slade again laughed before he knelt in front of Felicity and gently caressed her face. "It really has been a pleasure Ms. Smoak."

As the door closed behind him Felicity heard the locks snap into place. Felicity closed her eyes and tried to steady her breathing and keep her thoughts in check. Suddenly Slade’s words repeated in her mind, ‘you two are definitely two of a kind’. Felicity couldn’t help but smile as she realized it was true but despite Slade’s intention she took that as a compliment. 

Breathing easier now, Felicity opened her eyes and focused on the monitor as she repeated her promises to Oliver – if she got out of here, she would help protect and rebuild the City and she would never leave him.


	4. Facing the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is shorter than the others and may be a little confusing so I've added some explanations at the end (didn't want to say here and ruin any surprises)! There will also be an Epilogue posted today as with the new shows out I want to wrap this little story up!

Felicity wasn't sure how long she had been repeating the mantra of her promises but she had closed her eyes and stopped watching the empty monitor. Oliver's voice startled her eyes open though and she looked quickly toward the screen. He was standing just outside the building door and it was clear he was speaking to the Team over the comms.

"I'm here - just hold your position for now. If I'm not out in 35 minutes you need to alert Lance and get Felicity out."

Felicity couldn't hear the Team response but Oliver quickly continued.

"Diggle, just get Felicity out, no matter what."

Again there was silence before Felicity heard Oliver speak again.

"Thank you John." Oliver looked around briefly then opened the door.

Felicity switched her view to the next screen and watched as Oliver entered the room. There was something for him to read but Felicity couldn't see the words. As she watched, Oliver searched the floor for something then stood against the wall. Felicity heard his grunt of pain and suddenly realized an arrow was now lodged in his shoulder and pinned him to the wall.

"I'm fine – there are a couple tests Slade has set up. It may take me a little while."

Felicity knew he was reassuring the Team even if she hadn't heard their question.

As she watched Oliver remained stationary for several seconds before he broke the arrow and pulled himself away from the wall. He held the arrow upside down and Felicity saw something fall out. Oliver unrolled what appeared to be a sheet of paper and read whatever was written on it. He then stepped back across the room to punch a code in a door lock Felicity hadn't even noticed before.

She again moved to the next screen and saw Oliver enter another room. He again looked quickly around and showed no surprise when he read more instructions. Once again he searched the floor and moved to stand against the wall. The sound of gunfire shocked Felicity and when she opened the eyes she didn't realize she had closed she saw Oliver on the ground. He was holding his side and blood was clearly flowing from the wound.

"No, hold your position. It was just another test."

After giving the Team that assurance, Oliver then moved quickly and pulled what looked to be a key from the bullet casing. Oliver used the key to open the door and then moved into the next area without worry for his injury.

Felicity noticed this was a large room with the plane remnants that she was in and it was the last screen visible to her. As she looked around the room Oliver quickly moved around himself and was suddenly holding a bow and arrows as well as a green hood. The bow and arrows were much more basic than the one he brought with him but Felicity could see he recognized the message as a flicker of sadness passed over his face. Felicity grimaced as she suddenly realized it had probably belonged to Shado.

No, no, no! Felicity then put the other pieces together as she remembered Slade's words that Oliver wouldn't have survived the Island without them. Slade hadn't just recreated the Island environment he had clearly recreated some of the Island torture as well. Felicity nearly cried out loud as she realized Oliver was being forced to relive his past in some type of macabre game. Unlike on the Island though, this time Oliver had no one to help him and Felicity knew Slade didn't care if he survived or not. Remembering her nightmare image of Oliver falling to his death Felicity screamed behind her gag - she simply couldn't bear the thought of Oliver dying and certainly not to save her.

As Oliver looked up and toward the plane Felicity realized he could hear her. Refusing to be any more of a distraction when his life was on the line she bit down hard on the gag to stop her involuntary cries. She then focused on Oliver and watched him move around the room. He suddenly fired an arrow and as Felicity looked to find his target she heard one tumbler in the locked door give way. Oliver continued to move through the room for several more moments before he fired a second arrow. Again as it landed Felicity heard another tumbler in the lock move. Before Felicity could process that Oliver had located his third target and fired. He was a blur on the screen as the third tumbler was released and the door opened.

Felicity screamed behind her gag as Oliver dropped to the ground beside her.

"Felicity, are you ok?" Oliver quickly removed the gag so Felicity could answer.

"I'm fine but you're hurt. Are you crazy?" Felicity knew it was wrong to berate her hero after he had just rescued her but she couldn't believe what she'd just watched him do for her. "Oh, Oliver, I'm so sorry! Are you okay? Is the Team okay?"

Oliver had quickly moved on to cut the ties binding Felicity and as soon as she was free she launched herself at him for a hug. Felicity nearly cried more when his arms came around her and he buried his head into her neck.

"I thought I'd lost you Felicity...I couldn't handle that, I can't lose you…"

"I'm so sorry – I thought I could protect you, protect everyone but I couldn't … I failed again and I broke my promises." Felicity was crying now and Oliver repositioned them to pull her onto his lap as he cradled her gently.

"You didn't fail Felicity – your information helped us figure out what Slade's plan was, helped us locate and scout this place in advance and helped me prepare to revisit the Island."

"I'm so sorry you had to do this Oliver – I never thought it would be like this. I didn't think I would fail again." Oliver's words didn't penetrate the haze of Felicity's overwhelmingly mixture of guilt, relief, and fear.

"Felicity, you did NOT fail." Felicity felt Oliver squeeze her tightly as he whispered those words forcefully into her ear.

"I did … and I broke my promises." She clutched tightly at his jacket and kept her face buried under his chin.

"What promises?" Oliver was now gently rubbing her back as if they had all the time in the world to chat.

"Oh no, Oliver, there's a bomb – we have to get out of here before the hour is up." Felicity stiffened and tried to pull away but Oliver held her close.

"We have time … what promises Felicity?" Oliver spoke sternly even though his touch was gentle as he tucked a stray hair behind her ear.

"I made three promises to you … I know not to make promises, not to ask for them. I really do and I tried … I haven't made any promises since …" Felicity couldn't meet Oliver's eyes as she remembered that he now knew everything about her. She avoided his eyes as she continued. "He sent my files to you. You know it all, don't you?"

"I know some but not all. I'm not worried about that right now Felicity. You'll tell me about your past you are ready. I do want to know about your promises though."

Felicity relaxed somewhat at Oliver's words – if anyone would understand a painful past, it was Oliver. She knew she no longer had a reason to lie to him and he seemed to be taking it all very well but still she hesitated. Felicity dropped her head to rest against him and hugged him tightly without speaking.

"Felicity."

Felicity actually smiled against his chest as he growled her name as only he could. "When I failed to stop Merlyn's second device I promised to help you rebuild the City and protect it —"

"You've done that —" Oliver quickly agreed but just as quickly Felicity spoke again.

"I've been skimming money from Merlyn's hidden assets. BTW we need to look into that – someone else is hacking into the records to pull funds too …" Felicity trailed off as Oliver tightened his grip momentarily but when he relaxed and sighed she did too.

"Okay, we will look into that … later. What's the next promise?" Oliver's emphasis on 'we' and 'later' was not lost on Felicity.

"After you came back from fighting Gold …" Felicity mumbled the rest against his neck, "I promised never to leave you."

"Well, I promised you would always have me so that seems fair."

Felicity wasn't sure if he was teasing or not but she was glad he hadn't asked for more details. She also wasn't sure if he had kissed her temple or if his lips just brushed against her as he spoke but she still shivered. As Oliver cuddled her closed in response she definitely felt him press a soft kiss against her skin.

"So what was the third promise … you did say you made three." Oliver seemed perfectly content to continue their discussion but Felicity again tried to postpone it.

"The bomb!" She gasped as she couldn't believe they had forgotten about it.

"Opening the door deactivated it so we are good. The third promise Felicity." Oliver's voice was again stern and Felicity immediately rambled in response.

"After telling you about your mom, I promised never to lie to you … at least not going forward, a promise can't be retroactive and the past should stay in the past, right?" Felicity knew she was rambling and doubted Oliver could really make sense of her words but she also realized that might be a good thing. Even though he knew about her past he didn't know she continued to lie about her feelings for him and she was very worried that would change things for them. She still hadn't worked out what it all meant herself but she knew she didn't want her feelings to be a burden to him. However, she did desperately want to keep all of her promises to Oliver now that she had a second chance. Oliver's chuckle stopped Felicity's internal monologue and forced her head up to look at him.

"How about I just remind you that you can always talk to me and we revisit the past whenever you are ready to talk?"

"Yes, I can accept that." Felicity quickly agreed and returned his smile before she hugged Oliver once more. Recent events again crashed into her mind though and Felicity tightened her grip as she remembered what all he had gone through for her... then she pulled away suddenly. "Oh no, you're injured, we need help. John!" Felicity called to John in a much louder voice.

"We both need medical attention. Digg, you still there?"

Felicity couldn't hear John's response but she stood as Oliver pushed them both up.

"That's ok. We'll see you at the same door in five then." Oliver paused and looked at the monitor. He squeezed Felicity's hand as he spoke quietly to her. "I'm sorry you had to watch."

"I'm sorry you had to do it … I don't think Hallmark makes cards for sorry I got you shot, arrowed … I really am sorry." Felicity squeezed Oliver's hand as she spoke.

"Hey, we both faced our past and we're still here so I'm counting this as a victory."

As she returned Oliver's smile, Felicity realized the game with Slade wasn't over but she, well, they had won this round. Slade had forced them both not only to relive their pasts but also to share them with each other. Without intending to, he had actually brought them closer together and strengthened the already incredibly tight bonds they shared.

Felicity also realized she now had time to keep her promises to Oliver and she would definitely consider that a victory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda channeled the Saw movies for Slade's "game" which is gruesome I know. I saw the specific markings on the floor as a weights system that then triggered the arrow/ gun. I also saw the instructions as a way to make Oliver know what was coming and accept the 'penance' as the cost of moving forward. Nothing too complicated or original I know but I needed a way for Slade to mess with Oliver from a distance and torture him a bit. I also wanted both Oliver and Felicity to have to face their pasts and share them with the other. I hope that makes sense but always feel free to contact me if you have questions or concerns!


	5. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, this is just an attempt to bring in a little more from Oliver and Diggle for a truly happy ending (fans of Sara beware)! I hope you all enjoy it as I really do appreciate everyone who reads and supports my efforts!

Felicity had never been so glad to sit in her chair in the lair. They had been back for a while but as both she and Oliver required John's medical expertise she hadn't made her way there until now. She couldn't help smiling fondly as she traced a hand over her monitor and repositioned her keyboard. John's chuckle brought her attention back and she turned to see that both he and Oliver were watching her in amusement.

"I think you may have missed them more than us." It was John who made that comment as he took a seat close to her.

"I'll deny this if you ever repeat it … but no, I missed you guys more than my babies." Felicity smiled at John before she turned to watch Oliver pass close by and drop a hand to her shoulder to squeeze gently. He went further along and turned on the TV as updated polling numbers continued to scroll across the screen.

"The election! Do you need to be there? Be with Thea?" Felicity just remembered that Slade had chosen the date to torture Oliver further by making him choose between her and his family.

Oliver turned back to shake his head before he spoke. "Roy is with Thea – he'll take care of her."

"That overprotective brother thing is getting easier and easier to let go of when it helps you, isn't it?"

Felicity laughed at John's teasing comment even if Oliver didn't reply. Felicity turned back to notice Oliver was staring at her intently. She met his eyes then nervously lowered her gaze then cleared her throat and swallowed loudly.

"Okay, yes, I owe you both an explanation … and an apology." Felicity stood up as she spoke and paced nervously in front of both men. Without thought, she crossed her arms in front of her body and traced the scar along her arm as she thought about how to explain it all to them. As she looked up she saw Oliver's eyes were trained on the hand tracing the scar and she froze as she gasped.

In the space of a heartbeat Oliver was in front of her. He gently uncrossed her arms and held her hand up to slowly push her sleeve up past her elbow. Felicity's eyes darted around the room and she saw John moved to stand beside Oliver. When neither man spoke Felicity finally looked up to meet Oliver's eyes. His expression was tender, caring, and protective as he traced the scar with a fingertip before bringing that hand up to cradle her hand between his and rest them against his heart. His action brought tears to her eyes as she gave him a grateful smile.

She then looked to John and met his eyes as he laid a hand over the scar and simply squeezed her arm. Felicity smiled and nodded to him in gratitude as well.

"Everyone has scars … and definitely everyone on Team Arrow Felicity."

John spoke softly and Felicity knew he used the Team Arrow name to lighten the mood. She did chuckle at that even as she tried to keep the tears from flowing.

"We don't need all the details but you should tell us enough so we can understand and help. We can't have any of our pasts used again to hurt us."

John had continued to speak and Felicity nodded in agreement before she replied. "I know … but I think you know it all now. I can't imagine anything was left out of the files." She still couldn't look them in the eyes as she confessed that.

"Those are just the facts … they don't tell your story, they don't define you Felicity." It was Oliver who spoke now but Felicity saw John nod in agreement.

"You can tell us the rest whenever you want, however you want. That's not the issue right now." Oliver had started off softly but Felicity's head came up when the sharp edge entered his tone.

She would have moved away but both Oliver and John tightened their grips. Neither man hurt her but both were clearly stating she wasn't running away from this.

"Why didn't you come to us when you figured out someone knew? You took days to research it and we asked, I asked, to help you but you refused to let us in." Oliver's voice was definitely forceful now and Felicity met his eyes in acknowledgement of the seriousness of his concern.

"The past and the present just got all jumbled in my head … I didn't want you guys to know, not like that … I thought I was good enough to fix it. I mean, that's all I bring to the Team right? Tech skills?" When both men looked ready to fiercely argue with that assessment Felicity rushed on to complete her ramble. "That was what I was thinking then anyway! I was upset over Sara … over the changes on the Team. I wasn't sure where I fit in anymore and then suddenly here was another threat. I just didn't think I deserved to be on the Team, I thought I was going to be alone again. I had to try to fix it though … I had made promises and I couldn't break them…"

Felicity's words just tumbled out and as she felt the old panic and fears return the words came even faster until Oliver interrupted her.

"Felicity! Look at me – breathe, slowly."

Felicity fought tears as she tried to follow his instructions but her breathing was still fast and shallow. John moved to stand behind her with his hands on her shoulders to help ground her. Oliver squeezed the hand he held even as he exaggerated his own breathing to encourage her to match him. Felicity blew out a harsh breath and then started to relax and breathe more slowly as she simply stared into Oliver's eyes.

"That's my girl – breathe, relax." Oliver smiled as he praised her.

"Okay, I've got it. I'm sorry!" Felicity maintained eye contact with Oliver but she felt John squeeze her shoulders in acknowledgement of her apology as well.

Felicity brought a hand up to John's and she squeezed his hand even as she squeezed Oliver's hand. She then gently disengaged herself from them and paced a bit. She saw them exchanged a worried look and she couldn't help but smile.

"Really, I've got it. I just need to say some things to you guys…and I can’t do that with you touching me.” Felicity paced a few steps then turned to face them as she started speaking again. “I was scared and I let the past make me doubt myself and doubt you guys but I've realized I was wrong. I promised myself I would face my past and that I would ask for your help but first I still need to tell you more." Felicity waited until both nodded before she took another deep breath and plunged ahead.

"Slade kept me in a small room in the dark, he also drugged me and there were these horrible nightmares. It was my past but different, twisted … Oliver, you fell out the window instead of the Count." Felicity had to fight the urge to hug Oliver but she knew it was important she said everything at once before she lost her nerve so she continued.

"Every nightmare left me alone and I panicked … it was horrible. But it also made me realize I hadn't dealt with my past which is why I am going to work on it. More importantly though it also made me realize that I wasn't alone now …that I have you guys and I'm willing to fight to keep you."

Felicity moved to stand before the guys and just waited for them to speak.

"You don't have to fight for us – we've got your back and we aren't leaving you alone." John spoke first and Felicity took the single step needed to bring her close enough to hug him. Felicity felt like she was home and she had a brother to protect her.

After they parted Felicity turned to Oliver and saw he was smiling slightly. She was surprised when he winked playfully before he replied.

"I'll say it again – you'll always have me Felicity, no matter what."

Felicity rushed forward to hug him and while it also felt like home in his arms Felicity fought to ignore the less than familial feelings he also aroused in her. However, those feelings reminded her that she had yet to face Sara and she wanted to get that over with quickly. She reluctantly pulled away from Oliver.

"Thank you both. I know we'll need to talk more but I just want to enjoy being here with you, with the Team. Speaking of which, I know Roy is doing the family thing for you but where is Sara?"

Felicity tried to keep her voice steady and keep eye contact as she said the other woman's name. As she was looking at the guys she saw them exchange another look before Oliver turned away and spoke.

"She left."  


"That's it? She left? Was there a problem with her family?" Felicity was confused and when Oliver kept his back to her she turned to John and met his eyes.

"No, not exactly … she felt she had to leave." Oliver still kept his back to her as he replied.

Before Felicity could speak, John sighed and spoke. "Haven't we learned that lying isn't good for the Team?"

Felicity was really confused now and as Oliver turned to meet John's eyes she just looked back and forth between them.

"I'm not lying … she left." Oliver ground out the statement again. He and John continued to stare until he finally broke the contact to look at Felicity and spoke to her.

"Laurel’s picture was included in Slade’s first message and Sara was concerned about Slade going after her so she wanted to go after Slade."

"Well, we do need to go after him so what's the problem with that? That's a good thing although she probably should have taken one of you as back-up…"

Felicity trailed off as the guys engaged in another staring contest. As the silence lengthened Felicity started getting annoyed.

"Okay seriously, someone start talking because I'm clearly missing something … unless this bump on the head affected me more than I thought and I've forgotten something important …" Felicity really was wracking her brain to figure this out but the mention of her injury sparked Oliver into action even if he avoided her eyes.

"Sara chose to go after Slade to protect Laurel … instead of helping us get to you."

Felicity gasped which brought Oliver's eyes to her. Her mind whirled with the possibilities of that scene – Sara arguing for vengeance against Slade and protection of Laurel even as John argued for her rescue. It probably had come to blows which might explain the injuries Oliver was currently sporting. He probably had to step in and calm things down even if that was John's usual role. She knew she would need to ask exactly what had happened while she was gone but for now she felt the need to apologize to Oliver.

"I'm sorry I put you in the position where you had to choose … I'm sorry rescuing me again cost you something—"

"Felicity, there was no choice. Sara argued for going after Slade but there was never a doubt for us that you were the priority."

Felicity realized her surprise must have shown because Oliver stepped closer and continued.

"I am sorry I've made you doubt me, doubt your place here … with me. There was no choice to make Felicity."

"I'm still sorry … but thank you … thank you both."

Felicity glanced at John to include him in her appreciation but she again turned back to Oliver. No more words were said but they simply continued to stare at each other until John spoke.

"Okay, I think we've all had a rough couple days. How about dinner at Big Belly Burger as we strategize about Slade and then we call it a night?"

Felicity immediately turned to him and smiled as she responded. "Can we also get ice cream? It really does help me process."

"Ice cream it is then." Oliver agreed even as he came forward to take her arm and led her toward the door.

Felicity smiled at him and then glanced over her shoulder to smile at John. She couldn't help thinking how good to felt to have her Team Arrow back … and she was even getting ice cream. Felicity barely resisted the urge to fist pump at her victory!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for taking this journey with me - I hope you enjoyed it!!


End file.
